Could I be happy, more often?

Self confessed pessimist Professor Martin Seligman has over 50 years of “ …mostly wet weather being in his soul. ” He wants to share his discovery that happiness is within the readers ’ power and not the result of good luck or genes.

He introduces ‘ Positive Psychology ’ . The concept has three themes and associated written tests (many may be taken on-line):
* Positive emotion - its effect on satisfaction with the past, optimism about the future and happiness in the present
* Strengths and virtues, and
* How the reader ’ s increased insight might be deployed in work, love, parenting and personal satisfaction

Seligman tells how his five-year-old daughter argued if she could stop whining - so could he! He then read a paper on how positive emotion generates greater creativity in fulfilling aspirations. Seligman realised “ …a positive mood... bouys... (so) detect not what is wrong, but what is right ” , reminiscent of Kurt Wrights work.

Seligman develops a Happiness formula, H=S+C+V:

* ‘ H ’ - enduring level of happiness

* ’S’ - set range, effectively our genetic predisposition

* ’C’ - circumstances, a factor potentially affecting us most, but not the case in practice.

* ‘ V ’ – Voluntary Variables, the most crucial factor relating positive emotion with the past, present or future.

Gratitude and forgiveness are key factors affecting our opinion of, and satisfaction with, the past. An exercise is described where undergraduates expressed gratitude to an invited guest for affecting something important in their lives. The examples are powerful. Seligman doesn’t pretend we can forget or suppress bad memories. He describes how forgiving allows a victim to free themselves from the past, facilitating the possibility of greater life satisfaction.

The degree to which we believe events are temporary or permanent significantly affects our expectation about the future. Although I learned my outlook was at least a little optimistic, Seligman comments such an appraisal might come at the expense of being less realistic! He recommends the ‘ ABCDE ’ model for when we are accusing ourselves of some perceived failing or deficiency. The approach is to dispute and then dismantle negative self-talk. The reader is offered a seven day ‘ ABCDE ’ template, so that adverse inner dialogue can be recognised, recorded and disabled.

For present happiness, the author defines two states:

*"The pleasures… have clear sensory and strong emotional components… ” They can be bodily e.g. touch, sight, sound, smell or taste
* The gratifications include any of the above, however the distinctions are they"…last longer, involve quite a lot of thinking and interpretation, do not habituate easily and are undergirded by our strengths and virtues…These are activities not necessarily accompanied by feelings at all".

Positive Psychology classifies “ just twenty-four strengths …The last time anyone bothered to count, in 1936, more than eighteen thousand words in English referred to traits. ” Surprisingly, this ignores Cattell ’ s work, which subsequently identified 16.

Three criteria define strengths, they are:
* valued in almost every culture
* valued in their own right - not just a means to an end
* malleable

The author argues some of the twenty-four strengths are deeply characteristic, defining these as"Signature Strengths", believing"the highest success in living and the deepest emotional satisfaction comes from building and using your Signature Strengths".

Seligman contends these strengths fit six core virtues occurring across most cultures; Wisdom and knowledge, Courage, Love and humanity, Justice, Temperance, Spirituality and transcendence.

He adds, to live the ‘ good life ’ is about using your Signature Strengths everyday, but admits sometimes undertaking tasks he ’ s good at, yet which leave him feeling drained and less authentic. Myers Briggs knows we sometimes use our less preferred skills, without enjoying them.

80+ pages are devoted to answering the implied question"So now you know your strengths, what are you going to do with them"? In my view he is not a pioneer in this particular area.

Seligman highly rates Csikszentmihalyi, definer of ‘ flow ’ , recognised by several features especially, a sense of time standing still and our sense of self vanishing.

Seligman says to increase flow:

* Identify your Signature Strengths
* Choose work that lets you use them every day
* Recraft your present work
* When employing, choose those with Signature Strengths to mesh with the work you give them
* As a manager, allow employees to recraft (within bounds) their work.

While Csikszentmihalyi calls the states attached to flow as ‘ enjoyments ’ , Seligman prefers ‘ gratifications ’ , it plays down the emotional aspects.

The narrative on love follows a familiar pattern; case studies, a questionnaire, vast cross-referencing, in-depth research and statistics. Seligman identifies what he regards as a most surprising outcome “ … children of stable marriages are more interested in long-term relationships than are the children of divorce ” - I wasn ’ t surprised!

The Professor exudes dry humour - “ I did something I don’t recommend to you; I read …all the major marriage manuals. This is a depressing task for a positive psychologist…about how to make a bad marriage more tolerable. ”

He suggests two summary love principles “ You must not scrimp on the attention you pay to the person you love... (and) the quantity is crucial. ”

I was intrigued with Mrs Seligman ’ s work on raising children, (especially as a parent and co-author of ‘ The Coaching Parent ’ ). In a self-effacing journey, she doesn’t disappoint, providing at least eight techniques for building positive emotion. The ‘ strengths test ’ for children, similar to the adult version, can be used by any child aged about seven plus.

Concluding, the author invites us to live a ‘ meaningful life ’ .

* The good life “ …consists in deriving (authentic) happiness by using your Signature Strengths every day ”

* The “ …meaningful life… uses these same strengths to forward knowledge, power or goodness… something much larger than you. ”

This book contains detailed material, backed up with substance, multiple tests and well summarised chapters. It includes comprehensive end notes adding 300+ paragraphs of background information linked to related research material. I believe he achieves his purpose, and demonstrates exactly why happiness is within the readers ’ power!

David Miskimin 2006

David Icke is simply the world's leading reporter..

'All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident...' (Arthur Schopenhauer, German philosopher)... Having read all off Icke's works, I can clearly say it has changed my life. The man's method is clear: Tell the truth, no matter where the evidence takes you. Nobody can afford to go through life without reading one of his books. Enough said.

Excellent

This is a great read for serious coaches, fully explained models and techniques that can be applied straight away. Well worth RRP.

Totally loved it

I bought this book 2 yrs ago after losing a loved one. It was the first time in my life that I'd ever lost someone close to me and it made me ask alot of questions. I was scared and wondered if death was truly the end. why did they go? would i see them again? can they see me? can i speak to them? what's the purpose of life? who's pulling the strings? I had so many questions that the religion i was practising at the time couldn't provide convincing answers. Then I read the reviews of this book on Amazon and I ordered it. IT CHANGED MY LIFE! <br /><br />Its written very simply written and very comforting. It triggered my quest for spiritual enlightenment and my life is all the better for it now! We need more books like this

A Must Read

I am still only about a quarter of the way into this book, but it has already made me evaluate my life and how I view myself, my students and other people.<br /><br />It made me realise that I was trying to care for and sort out everyone else's problems, which ultimately left me tired and depressed, when in fact by taking care of myself was ultimately going to be a much more positive way to help others. Taking care of myself was not in fact a selfish act, but by understanding that people need to face up to their own problems, then this was really the best way to help them.<br /><br />I would strongly recommend that everyone reads this book. It's amazing how much of yourself or others that you start to recognise.<br /><br />

A little dated, but still a great book

If you are having issues communicating with anyone, this is the book for you.<br /><br />Be warned, it is a little dated - which I actually found amusing.

Fab book

This is only the second book on twins I have bought. The first scared me senseless. This book was excellent. It was informative, and not patronising, and also had a great sense of humour.<br />Loved the fact that it has a british author, and not americanised.<br /><br />Really recommend it.

Life Changing!

Well what can I say? A masterpiece! After reading this book I immediately quit my job as a civil servant. I have now booked my ticket to Angola where I will spend the rest of my life holding hands with dying Ebola victims as they gurgle their last, bloody breath.<br /><br />Sincerly<br /><br />Karl Rove

IF YOU REALLY WANT TO CHANGE BUY IT,,,,

When my friend lent me his copy to read i wasn't really interested!<br />After reading a few chapters, i knew i had come across a real gem,and ordered my own copy...<br />The case histories are more than helpful and really bring it to life. if you log onto thework.com you see videos of katie in action its brill<br />I have been in therepy for 6 months and have made loads of progress. however in one week of reading this book, the way i see the world has changed so much.. its brilliant. <br />This book is worth your time and money. <br />hope this helps.

Money for nothing

Okay Rhonda, so you've made plenty of money from the Secret, be thankful for that and don't take people for a ride by selling them an empty notebook

Good fun, though not logical

Lewis writes brilliantly and will persuade those who wish to persuaded. There is of course nothing logical about Christianity, as some Christian apologists have recognized from Tertullian's certum, quia impossible est to Sir Thomas Browne:"Methinks there be not half enough impossibilities in religion for an active faith."<br /><br />An example of Lewis's fallacious argument is seen in his declaration that Jesus' declaration that he is God is either a lie, a statement of a madman, or something worse. In fact, there is no reasonable certainty that Jesus ever made this claim, since it appears in the least historical of the gospels (none of which were written by the original disciples). For a good, scholarly study of the gospels, see Spong, Rescuing the Bible from fundamentalism : a bishop rethinks the meaning of Scripture.<br /><br />Lewis' stance in this book is kind persuasion of the average reader. Thus he must ignore historical and anthropological data that show that the belief human sacrifice is necessary to please the god(s) has antecedents thousands of years before Christianity. Obviously many people still find credible the idea that only a human sacrifice can please God (yes, we all know Christians believe Jesus to be God, but Jesus suffered horribly as a human being). A god who requires human sacrifice (note precedents in OT) because all human beings inherit the guilt of their supposed first parents, Adam and Eve, is a bronze age god. The old, bloody ideas of collective, inherited guilt requiring human sacrifice keep marching on.

A skilled popularizer but faults within

This book has attracted predictable criticism from religious conservatives, evident in some of the reviews here. One suspects the author would be entirely unperturbed by this - avoiding the ills of higher criticism is the concern only of fundamentalists. Their criticism that Armstrong's tone of scholarly detachment fails when she addresses twentieth-century fundamentalism is easily answered - this brand of Christianity has nothing to do with detached scholarship, they parted company a long time ago. The argument over Arianism is just one case in point. As just about any serious scholar who has studied early Christianity will tell you, early Christians were not Trinitarians.<br />On a more general level, Armstrong shows an ability to draw together an impressive amount of material into an accessible synthesis, and she has few peers in this regard. Her treatment of the twentieth century is, as noted by others, sketchy. More seriously perhaps, her knowledge of early modern history is inadequate. Whilst generalisations are unavoidable in a work of this kind, her treatment of the early modern period is simplistic and often misleading. Deism was not a 'new religion' (p.185), nor was it espoused by John Locke, author of a Paraphrase of the Epistles of St Paul. To say that Isaac Newton 'scarcely mentioned the Bible in his copious writings' (p.184) is utter nonsense. Had Armstrong read Newton's copious unpublished manuscripts on scripture, or any of the published works analysing these manuscripts in the last twenty years, she would know that Newton spent at least as much time buried in scripture and prophecies about the end of days as he did thinking about the laws of gravity. Armstrong's understanding of the Enlightenment is simply out of date, historians have realised that the so-called"age of reason" was a far more complex time in European history than this author realises.<br />Whilst Armstrong is to be congratulated on opening up the history of the Bible to a wider audience in such an engaging manner, her analysis should be treated with caution, not taken as gospel.

Deep and challenging

Have to admit that for me the book is anything but shallow; however I agree with the comment that it takes a lot of time getting to understand and practice the principles of NVC properly - for me about a year and a half of (hard) on - (switched) off effort. This is because, to truly communicate well we have to at first know our own feelings fully, and in a society and time when we are used to doing the opposite means that this takes really hard work. In addition, because of the society pressures, we are rarely supported in those efforts so it can seem like doubly hard work. I can only imagine the reviewers who have spoken of their irritation that the author seems to lack 'passion' and seems nicey-nicey is that, as a society, we have become so used to raised voices, aggressive gestures, and a childish taking our frustration out on others with few boundaries as a way of expressing 'passion' and 'feeling' that we have become inured to any other way of communicating more effectively, concerned that it might be equal to 'stuffing our own feelings down' in order to facilitate communication. This is not what NVC is about. What NVC offers an equally if not arguably more passionate and a really much more honest sharing of feelings but through gentle emotional sharing, rather than insults, jealous outbursts and language. <br /><br />This is the essence of vulnerabilty, which is the essence of what NVC requires and that may well be an uncomfortable revelation for many (this certainly includes me). I speak as one who was/is neither calm nor lacking in passion, quite the opposite - but my method of communication was causing me pain (as well as to preclude genuine relationships and sharing). This is where NVC comes into its own, both in challenging the reader to identify emotions (difficult when the only one you have come to adopt due to its general acceptance which is anger), to express vulnerability and hopefulness whilst accepting that your request may not be accepted until you accept others requests and needs - which is a hard lesson. But it is very powerful way of communicating and connecting - and you have to do it to realise why it works this way round and not another. No amount of explanation will convince anyone intellectually reading the book of the consequences of adopting and using NVC. <br /><br />One of the most helpful things I and others with whom I have now shared the book, have learned is the 'feelings' lists. What was most shocking initally, was how difficult I found it to figure out what exactly it was I was feeling in any given situation (other than angry), and the same was true for those around me applying those principles. We realised we couldn't express and commuicate how we felt, even though we were convinced of our anger and passion in receiving events. To learn that beneath the blanket 'anger' was a vast array of subtle emotions which, once identified, allowed me to learn to share, to have more intimate and close connections with people that mattered, and to have the kinds of relationship that eluded me. I learned also that the majority of the pain I was feeling was of being rejected by another, in not being understood, and in my own ability to express how much I was hurting and being hurt by a particular communication; lastly in being invalidated in so many ways. It took a long time to come to the honesty of this realisation and to be able to express it in a way it could be received and validated. I read this book in conjunction with several others I approached to help me to relate more intimately and genuinely with people, two of which spring to mind"He's Scared, She's scared" (Steven Carter) and"Emotional Unavailability" (Bryn C Collins) to address the issues I was facing. This one helps with the practical application of communication, the others look at the underlying reasons for failing to connect in relationships in a healthy way. All come highly recommended.

A True Meditation Manual

This book is fantastic! From the reviews, I was expecting a manual on Vipassana (insight) meditation only. But Bhante G covers both Shamatha (concentration) and Vipassana (insight) meditation in thorough detail, in a step-by-step, very user-friendly and practical way. By far the best book I have read on the two core Buddhist meditation practices. He deals in great detail with the things us beginners struggle with, like the many distractions that can assail us during our practice, & the five hindrances, along with very useful techniques for over-coming these obstacles. If you are at all interested in Buddhist meditation, then I am sure you will find this book invaluable.

I cannot put into words the amount of value within this book...

The first time I opened this book, I just read it without stopping for a break. After finishing it I went back over to the MANY places in the book where the wisdom just re-shaped my thinking completely. The next day I read it again... and have re-read it too many time to count ever since.<br /><br />The amount of value, the wisdom, the laughter, the perception of the human condition, the beauty of this book is pretty overwhelming.<br /><br />If you want to understand the stupidity within the human condition then read this book... If you want to know what happiness really is then read this book. If you want to wake up... read this book.<br /><br />I would recommend this to anyone who is walking on the planet. It's that good.<br /><br />D.

ORGASMIC !!!!!!!!!!!!

That is the sensation I got after listening to this unique and outstanding Chakra Clearing CD. I felt lifted and restored. Stephen Richads has done it again, the man is a genious. What a brilliant way to balance your chakras and get your cosmic orders. Thank you for such a superlative job.

disturbing

I didn't think I could finish this book. It really effected me that so much evil could still exist in the name of a God that despises child abuse.<br />The three sisters were very brave to allow this book to go to print and tell the truth. The sad thing is that I believe I met some of the group on a trip to Portugal many years ago, without realising the full extent of the cult's beliefs. I can still see the face of the small little girl who was performing for us...

Everything you need to know about the Universe in one book

This is my most favourite book ever and like so many others I too am always buying copies for others. If I ever meet anyone who doesn't love it I can't help but feel a little sorry for them.<br /><br />The book came to me in such a great way too. I was giving somebody some reiki and they just blurted out something about a reluctant messiah and spoke about a blue feather on the cover, I checked it out, ordered the book, read it and haven't looked back since. It's beautiful.<br /><br />Now't else to say really.

Life changing!

Although written nearly 10 years ago, this book hasn't lost any of it's phenomenal appeal. Not only does it describe Brandon Bay's remarkable story of healing from a baseball-sized tumour in her uterus in only 6 1/2 weeks without drugs or surgery, but it even goes on to give away the seductively simple, yet tremendously powerful method with which she was guided to heal. All you need to facilitate this repeatable, scientifically grounded process to clear out longstanding, debilitating physical and emotional blockages that have held you back from living your life as a true expression of the real you - the"shining diamond" that you really are, as Brandon puts it in a beautiful parable - is right there in the book. And it certainly has changed my life from the inside out! Not only have I freed myself from severe migraines, chronic knee pain, anger, jealousy and low self esteem, but my whole life has taken on a new dimension of inner peace, happiness and abundance in all areas - relationships, family, career, health ... you name it. I didn't want to stop there, I wanted it all and I wanted it NOW. So I went on to Ms. Bays powerful weekend seminars and advanced retreats - the best, deepest, most transformational, healing and liberating thing I've ever done in all my life. What I got was far more than I could even dream or conceive of. So don't waste anymore time of your precious life. Get the book straight away. Treat it as your best friend (until you've met Ms. Bays and her beautifully shining team of staff and seminar trainers personally!) and begin your very own exhilarating and liberating Journey to the heart of - guess what - your highest potential and the inherent Freedom inside of you, waiting for you to come home to yourself. Highly reccommended!

A magnificent testimony

Everyone today should read this book. It helps us understand the troubles we are faced with. <br />A lesson of courage, determination will power and great intelligence. <br />Once you start it, you cannot put it down .. and it is a TRUE story!